Assertive But Not Offensive?

Being assertive is basically being confident or bold in your actions towards other people or towards life in general. Being assertive can be as simple as being straight forward and honest when giving opinions or by asking for help when you really need it. It means standing up for yourself when the time appropriately calls for it. This means saying "No" when asked to do something that violates your beliefs or you feel is strongly inappropriate.

What assertive isn't.

Assertiveness does not mean being rude, forceful, overly aggressive or domineering. You should never push your beliefs, opinions, or views on someone else, but it is okay to be willing to suggest them during appropriate times. You should stand up for yourself, but not in a way that violates the rights of others.

There's a fine line between having confidence and having an ego. There's as well a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive, which is often taken offensively. Sometime's being too assertive or asserting at the wrong time can be taken as being rude.

Timing:

When someone else is speaking it is generally a bad time to 'assert' anything. Wait until they finish their point/sentence/speech/etc before inserting your opinions. On the other hand, if you are being badgered without warrent it's okay to speak up.

Hostility

Don't be hostile. Being calm as you speak can make a big difference when offending people. Also avoid unwanted sarcastic language and tones.

Demands

Being overly demanding is almost always poorly received. If you have something to ask, make requests, regardless of the situation. Even a supervisor or boss is not a ruler and still needs to treat others with decency.

Be Polite

Again, assertiveness does not mean rudeness. Politeness can go along way in getting others to accept what you are saying or even to take the time to listen. Other than obviously faked politeness, it's rarely an offensive trait.

Eye Contact

Look at the person you are talking to, this shows them your confidence. Breaking eye contact or staring in other directions shows insecurity or even fear.

Empathy

Show some understanding for the others situation. For exmaple, "I know you have been really busy with work lately, but we still need to get that fence fixed, could you do that please?". Empathy does not mean that you should back down every time someone else has had any troubles, but if you have a request to make you should acknowledge their condition and situation, taking that into consideration.

"I" Language

This is a good thing to practice at all times. Don't go around placing blame. If someone did something that offended or bothered you, don't say, "Your comment was rude and you offended me.", say, "I was offended by that comment and I feel it may have been a little too rude." When you come across less accusing, people are less likely to be offended or to react aggressively in return.

In the end, it's all about confidence and courtesy. If you remember that you should be alright. Stand up for yourself, but don't overreact. Also, it's impossible to never be offensive, but as long as you try to maintain a respectful attitude, to others and to yourself, you'll get along just fine.